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Reading this letter brought me back to my experience with a terribly co-dependant relationship I was in for many years.
My ex was a child of divorce (at 8 years old) and had some major abandonment issues, and probably some more serious issues, as well, but the pattern is a familiar one- fear of being cheated on, abandoned, suspicious of everyone and everything, in need of constant validation, and suffering from perpetual victimhood.
I foolishly promised to never abandon, but after nearly 20 years of hell (infantile tantrums, broken glass, and physical assaults) , I finally found the strength to want off this island. His track record since, is 0 for 5. He managed to drive anyone and everyone out of his life the moment they got close.
You really need to see if this has been your pattern. If so, you may very well wind up bitter and alone like your mother, and with lots of unpleasant memories and guilt over the broken hearts and destroyed lives you helped create.
It won't be easy, but take that long, long look in the mirror. You deserve to be happy, but if you are anything like my ex, this problem may be way bigger that you dared imagine. Do it now.
Good luck!
Wow
Wow
And wow, again.
As a UU with Buddhist leanings, it makes me glad to see that there are Christians (with some street-cred) who are secure with their faith like RLP. And to the others, I ask, "How strong is your faith in your own omnipotent god if you need validation from the government and The Popular Culture, such as it is?"
This guy kicks some serious ass.
We at UU acknowledge our protestant roots, but have long since given up dogma and creed in order to free our members to determine their own spirituality. Just the same, the many great religions of the world have much to teach us, and we regularly borrow from all the great spiritual voices of the ages. It is a shame that these days, in my fellowhip, some are too willing to throw the Baby Jesus out with the proverbial bathwater- bristling at the mention of anything Christian within our walls. It is easy to understand their revulsion, and the source of it all... the frothing rants of the most UN-christian of the noisy charlatans, stooges, and facist footsoldiers of the so-called Christian Right (which is neither).
Jesus was way cool- it's the latest incarnation of his cynical fanclub that is getting hard for me to take.
Thanks, RLP, for reminding us that there are STILL Christians out there who live their religion and render unto God... well, you know.
Thanks, and thanks, again! Is there someway that we can all chip in a few dollars and get this guy a syndicated TV Show? Please?
Blessed be,
DS
Oh yeah... Book of Daniel. Sorry- didn't watch it.
For once, Cary was pretty clear- avoiding his usual equivocations. As am I.
LW should forgive her parents, for her OWN sake. Forgiveness, afterall, is for the forgiver, and need not require any calls or visits to her miserable parents. I believe any ambivalence the LW may have towards her parents stems from what she HOPES they are, not from who they REALLY are. I think they made the latter abundantly clear.
So what to do? Easy- Help out your sister who opened up to you. Let her take care of the Parental Units, but I'm sure she would appreciate some help in her own life as she does this. That addresses a point made by a respondent that LW may need her sister some day.
Sure, maybe Dear Old Mom and Dad may have "Gotten Religion" in their old age, and maybe they will even go as far as apologize. However, people don't really change. They are scum, and proved as much by their despicable actions, and an apology now would be way too little, way too late. So I say: 1. Don't cling to some fantasy image of the Parents Who Never Were, and Could Never Be.
2. Help out Sis
3. Let the Folks die without her by their side. She has much better things to do with her time and energy.
Sign me, Tired of all the abusive bullshit people heap on us. Basta!!
OK, folks- this is required reading for all of you, kooky mom, or not- it might save your life as it did mine. www.bpdcentral.org
Peace be to all.
Chas,
That was an insult to 14-year olds, everywhere!